Yes, you've read the title correctly. I believe I deserve a retroactive Bat Mitzvah. If some citizens get to have a party just for reaching a certain age, well, I should have one too.
Can you believe some narrow-minded, bigots have the gumption to say I can't have one. They argue by using ridiculous, Torah-thumping, sexist, ageist comments suggesting that I can't have a Bat Mitzvah because I'm not a thirteen year old Jewish girl.
Is this not America? Don't we have discrimination laws?
How dare these people infringe on my rights by invoking some silly, antiquated religious rule! Let's organize a march on Washington to raise awareness so the Supreme Court can rule on this travesty that is so unfair to us non-Jewish adult males.