‘Why does it always have to be so noisy?’ People all around me, uncomfortable hard chair, slightly sticky tabletop below my hand, and a cold Stella in the other hand, but still on the table. I’m uncomfortable. I can’t distinguish the voices around me. I hope no one is speaking to me because I wouldn’t be aware. Public places are a challenge for an Aspie. Just sitting in the wooden chair wears me out physically and even spiritually. But I’m glad to be here. I need to be here.
I sip my beer and attempt to chat. My limited range of subjects to chat about
have me bringing up a question concerning our work. I don’t really want to talk shop, but I can’t
think of anything else. I hate small
talk. I remember the movie “As Good As
It Gets” with Jack Nicholson sitting down at a restaurant with Helen Hunt and
after about 2 exchanges and maybe 3 or 4 sentences, Jack just exasperatingly says
how exhausting this was. I can relate.
Finally, the karaoke host enters and the reasons for being in this little restaurant/bar come into focus. Despite the messy distractions, I had grown very fond of karaoke. It may be a weird thing to say, but it’s probably my best form of expression. Going up in front of people has never been a problem for me. Speaking my mind, on the other hand, would be fatal because I know I’ll say the wrong thing or trip over my words so badly. But karaoke is scripted. It’s laid right out there on the monitor of what to sing and when to sing it.
I almost always know what my song selections will be for the
night. I may pretend to look in the book
– actually, this place doesn’t even have the books, it’s all online now which
means ‘Forget about it!’ as far as I’m concerned. I know because every song I do has a
purpose. Tonight, I’m opening with “All
About Soul” from Billy Joel. This is an
old favorite of mine. I always wanted
this to be about my wife. At one time,
much of it was – the woman of faith and devotion who soothes my soul. Alas! That
time is past. So, I do this number
because I still love the song, I do it well, and…she’ll hear it. Will she be impressed by my Billy Joel
impression? Will she be impressed by the
passionate way I perform the song? Will
she be impressed that I would choose such a spiritual and meaningful work and would
that change and improve her perception of me?
In my fantasy, yes to all the above.
In reality, I wish I knew.
Back at the table.
The group, that includes her, all praise me. I smile and thank them all. It’s a good supportive group of people. I’m grateful and lucky to know them. I take in a few sips of beer and get back up
and approach her. I finally get her
attention and remind her that we had talked about doing a duet together the
last time. I tell her I’m not accustomed
to duets and have only done it a handful of times. I’m going to ask her if she was familiar with
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John and Kiki Dee. Unlike the first song, this one is more
direct and I have to hope she would have fun with it and the words from me
(Elton) would stick in her brain for a while.
Second choice is “Love Shack” by The B-52’s. It's a nutty song and I do the Fred Schneider
voice really, really well. This would
get a good crowd reaction. I’d have to
hope she would be impressed by my ability to have fun with a song.
Right now, I just want her attention.
No comments:
Post a Comment