NL#3: The News

The outdoors was misty but not raining and I’m harbored in a café with her and her co-worker.  Over beers and sandwiches, we casually talk about work.  There’s not a whole lot, so the conversation turns to more pedestrian stuff like the food.  I must say here, that I can be awkward, even in smaller situations like this, but I definitely prefer it to noisy karaoke bars.  After mutual agreement that the food is very good, he smiles at me and I know something is coming.  “She is now engaged.”

On a cold, wet day late in winter, this is where my heart breaks and my whole world crumbles, right?

Instead, oddly enough, I find myself feeling relief.  Relief!  Relief that the complications that I had conceived would be in my future dissipated.  Relief that I wouldn’t have to keep trying to come up with excuses to see her to get her attention.

“Congratulations!  That’s very wonderful news!  I’m so happy to hear that and so happy for you!”  These words just came out of me genuinely, nothing fake.  She gleams.  I could tell she was pleased with my reaction.  I wonder if she would have told me if her co-worker hadn’t.  I tempt myself to go over to her side of the table and hug her, but I don’t.  I feel too self-conscious all of a sudden.  Instead, I lightly raise my glass.

I ask when will the event happen.  “November” she says.  “Back east”.  I put on a little show of disappointment.  “But I won’t have a chance to dance with the bride!”  This was an unusual thing for me to say since I don’t like dancing and am very bad at it.  She laughingly replies “Well, if you really want to dance, we can arrange something before.” I laugh back and put my hands up and slightly shake my head “That’s okay.  I’d just trip anyways.”

The three of us part.  I wonder when I’ll see her again.  Despite the news, I hope it won’t be too long.

I’m afraid that the sky will open up as I walk back to my car, I think to myself, ‘I’m truly happy for her.  How odd!’  I realize it was love.  I really loved her!  And real love means that her happiness and fulfillment are more important than mine.  I know there would be times coming up when I will forget that and feel sad for myself.  I’ll just have to try to remember that first reaction.  I’m frankly, a little proud of myself for the way I handled the news.  Too many times in other situations, I’ve reacted poorly and said the wrong thing.

I got back to my car dry and satisfied.