Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Position Available #2

Badly Wanted: A head coach with guts and a success-driven attitude for a badly under-performing football team in St. Louis. This football team has some of the most talented players in the NFL. They feature one of the most cool-headed, accurate and toughest quarterbacks, a young, emerging running back who is also an excellent receiver and blocker. An array of wide-receivers and tight ends with speed and great hands would be at your disposal.

Unfortunately, this team is so poorly coached that they appear utterly inept. This position is available immediately. Hurry and apply before it's too late. Bill Cowher and Marty Shottenheimer would make primary choices but anyone who is fiery, and can plan solid game strategies and not be prone to making sorry-ass excuses would be considered.

Position Available #1

The Los Angeles Dodgers, a major league baseball team serving the Los Angeles community has an urgent need for a manager. They need a highly motivated, success-driven leader. Applicants must be willing to tirelessly train and drive personnel to perform at a high level. Applicants must be able to incorporate a work ethic stressing fundamentals, conditioning and toughness. Applicants will need to have a heavy hand when needed to motivate a team that comprises many young players. Applicants must inspire attitude in team that anything short of making the postseason will be regarded as a complete failure to fulfill objectives.

The Los Angeles Dodgers organization is a proud major league baseball franchise with a rich tradition of success. The position offered here has major benefits including working with some of the finest young talent in the league.

"Player's managers" need not apply. Send your resumes to Sick_and_tired_of_feeble_management@dodgers.com.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Now That's God

I've been away helping my Mom move from Las Vegas to La Verne. I received the following link from my Uncle and Aunt. It's a really special tale.

Now That's God

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Somehow, I Should Have Known

I just read the somewhat amusing speech by Osama bin Laden. He gives much praise to Allah, of course. He praises his soldiers of Islam for their hard work in the battle against the Imperial United States.

In between all this, he takes the time to condemn a few other things:

  • He blasts the United States involvement in an "unjust" war in Iraq.
  • He says the United States is in the war based on "blatant lies" by the federal government.
  • He essentially says that democracy doesn't work because it breeds greedy corporations.
  • He says the United States is destroying the planet by not ratifying the Kyoto accord.
  • He blames America's evil on capitalism.
If it wasn't for the continual references to Allah and Islam, I can't help but think that this speech could easily have been made by Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, or John Edwards.

I wonder what political party bin Laden supports? Next month, I suppose he will lay out his platform for national health care.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Okay, Here We Go

My absolutely fearless predictions for the 2007-2008 NFL season. You can take this to the bank.

...No, really.

...I'm serious, these predictions are dead on.

...Okay, so I wasn't so great last year, but this year will be different.

...I got a really good feeling this time.

...Fine, so don't believe me, you'll be sorry.

AFC East

This is my biggest surprise. After years of domination, the Patriot bubble will burst. They are due for a disappointing season and this will be it. They won't be bad but they won't be good enough to make the postseason. This division will be a fight between the Bills and Jets with the Bills winning the division and the Jets in the wild card. Just remember, you read it here first.

AFC North

The Bengals will run away with this with a solid season. The Ravens will be competitive but will fall short. This will be a disappointing season for the Steelers and the Browns will be, well... the Browns.

AFC South

My pick for this division will be ....(drumroll please)... The Colts! Okay, no surprise there. Some of the problems they had last year will turn up again but no one else in this division is going to compete with them.

AFC West

This is going to be a close one between the Chargers and Broncos. The Chargers will prevail. The Raiders will improve to respectibility and the Chiefs are in for a sorry season.

NFC East

Like their AFC counterparts, two teams will slug it out until the end. Eagles get the division, Cowboys get the wild-card. The Redskins and Giants will not be in the race in the second half. For once, this division will not be the 3 or 4 team race it usually is.

NFC North

The Bears! Was that so hard? No, they're the only good team in this otherwise, sorry division.

NFC South

The Saints will pick up where they left off last year and dominate this division. Carolina will stick near them for a while but will have to settle for a wild card. The Falcons and Buccaneers are going no where.

NFC West

This is now the NFL's most competitive division. The Seahawks are a little older but still a good team. The other three all improved. This division will be a mess. All four teams will look good at different times of the season. The division lead will change frequently throughout the season. The team that will end up on top when the dust has settled will be the Rams.


AFC Division Winners = Bills, Bengals, Colts, Chargers
AFC Wild Card = Jets, Broncos
AFC Champion = Chargers

NFC Division Winners
= Eagles, Bears, Saints, Rams
NFC Wild Card = Cowboys, Panthers
NFC Champion = Rams

NFL Champion = Chargers

Now you know. Do we need to actually go through the formality of playing the games?